Thursday, March 19, 2015

Too old for this Sh**?

 These days every time I boot up a new game, I feel like Murtaugh in the ol’ Lethal Weapon movies. I hear him whisper his catch phrase weeks away from his retirement. “I’m getting too old for this shit.."
Its not that I consider the new generation of games to be childish, on the contrary. I find them more challenging than my ACTUAL LIFE. I just know that when the company logos are all done its going to be either a thick-ass plot line to go through; or a learning curve not seen since my days at graduate school.

Whatever happened to the simplicity? Has our society gotten so complex that we just can’t turn on a game and start akilling? No, you have to part of a global conspiracy, or indoctrinated into a story, or educated in the ways of a secret cult. Gone are the days of hit the reset and you are blasting within moments. Given those were in the days of dot versus dot. But still I don’t have time for all the meringue, I want CAKE!
Further, once the game is happening and I’m psyched. I’m hit with so many ERRANDS. Get this, bring me that, take this for this purpose. I think that is the reason why I so adore ‘open world’ games, the ones where you just float in a reality without any agendas. 
Sure, when I was younger the prizes are more than worth it. Satisfying. But now, on the darker side of a mid-life crisis, they just don’t seem to matter. If I want that sniper rifle, if I want that thing, damn it I just hit the cheat code without hesitation. 
It reminds me of the constant battle that I had years ago with Chuk Barber; my mentor of video (carnage) games. He was the one that introduced me to Quake, Halo, Rune, and the entire FPS genre. Chuk was twenty years my senior and the minute he got a game he immediately searched for the cheat codes.
“But Chuk,” I protested. “What about the challenge, the game wasn’t made for you to cheat, complete it first man!"
“Bro,” he shot back. “I have a stressful job, and Im way too old to do things over and over to a checkpoint, I need to get to some blood and gore now!” 


I no longer bicker or whine about the loss of plot line or gameplay. We no longer live at a time like Zork where we had one game and it had to last us for centuries. Gone are the days of milk a game for all its worth. I am shamed to say I have over 100 games on my Steam account and I've only burned through 10 of them lately. 

There is a mid-life impatience that i feel. I feel nothing but rebuke (like Burl Ives did when he said "Mendacity" in cat on a hit roof) when I find myself carrying rabbit food or a part for a machine or the ingredient for a potion to get the experience or a better weapon. Sorry, I’m just too old for that shit!

I think that today's games are made to replace rather than supplement our reality. Reality replacement is exactly what young players want. But older players seem to only have time/energy/memory or patience for a supplementary reality. 

After all, its all we got its all we can. 

So load up another game Riggs. I'm just going to sit here and wait until we get mobbed. Then I'll crack my neck and start blasting with this Smith & Wesson. Until then let me just close my eyes and...

What? No I dont want to save those people for a better gun. Just hit control tilde and type KILLALL! 

There we go...